On the same page…

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So the funniest thing happened to Loretta and me the other day – and by funny I mean mysterious.

Loretta and I have been married for the better part of a year – and we were together for over a year before that. So you’d think we’d have the bigger topics sorted out by now. Sure, we know which side of the bed each sleeps on. And who gets the bathroom first (and I’m OK with second, really I am). But there are still some topics we have trouble with.

Like how much time do I get to myself?

Hi, this is Loretta, and I’ve been proofreading John’s columns for over two years now. Sometimes he listens to my advice, sometimes not, so I think it’s time I added my two cents to what he says about us.  First of all, part of the predicament is, after years of being single and on our own, we tend to think in terms of “I” instead of “we”. It’s “how much time do WE get to ourselves?” Not ‘how much time to I get to myself?” Continue reading →


It was bound to happen – Bridget Jones is Online Dating…


Well Bridget Jones is back – and this time she’s dating online.

Which raises the question: Now that dating has been changed by Social Media, has it changed for the better?

As I say in Chapter 8 of my book :  “It was sort of like this automatic behavior pattern I was in, like autopilot, which the online sites fit into – and fed into – perfectly. A new date with a different girl was always just an email away…”

So is dating just easier now?

Or has it become too easy?

Do Mass Murderers Play Sports?


Do you play a sport?

I play soccer, and last night, on the way home from my game, I called my sister. When I called she was, coincidently, in the middle of viewing a soccer game on TV. She said she was watching the San Jose Earthquakes and was fascinated with the game because one of the Earthquake’s players was a kid she used to teach in school.

Now there was a time when I would have talked about the Earthquakes with her all night long – but that time was 1978. Back then I was a kid who not only played soccer, but watched other people play it too. I was so taken with the sport I filled my life with it. I’d research the best cleats to wear, and the best soccer balls to use – and that was before Google, when we used to have to go to a place called a “library” and look through things called “books” in order to find answers to our questions. Continue reading →

Sabatino’s Review

The latest book review is in…

Thanks to the amazing Sabatino!

Review (as posted on hotcupoflove.com):

In the fall of 2011 my wife left me.

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Little did I know that around that same time, a man from across the country was struggling with the same demons I was encountering in my own life.  Being men, and naturally wired to view relationships a certain way, we both set out to fix what had now come undone the best way we thought we knew how- online dating, though, this is where our paths deviate.

That man was John P. Gavin, and while I was attempting to tirelessly solve the rubik’s cube that I had hoped would reveal some secret understanding of how women view relationships, he was busy living it, documenting it, and putting it in to practice.  John’s book, Online Dating Sucks…but it’s how I fell in love, chronicles his journey from divorce, to dating, and eventually falling in love all the while serving as a Rosetta Stone for women looking to decode the male psyche.

To say this book challenged the way I view my own pursuit of a partner would be an understatement.  John lays out the differences between men and women, bearing no excuse for the natural progression in which our genders approach love, dating, relationships, and marriage. His in-depth and often inward analysis weaves a delicate web, bridging a chasm left void from centuries of disconnect, and unhinging conventional wisdoms, now outdated.

In Online Dating Sucks…but it’s how I fell in love, John allows his readers to spy on his dating adventures and missteps, allowing access to his personal life as he vulnerably relives the experiences that brought him to this enlightened state of love. Oh, and the woman that could finally reel him in? That’s Loretta, who John now proudly boasts as his girlfriend.

Get an inside look at how the opposite sex thinks and acts when searching for a soul mate. Learn simple rules for dating and how to avoid the pitfalls relationships often fall victim to.  Read one man’s journey from a life shattering divorce, to finding the only one who could capture his heart- and for goodness sakes, be fearless in your search for love.

Online dating sucks, but its how John found Loretta.

(Read more on Sabatino’s site hotcupoflove.com)

Book Giveaway!


Looking for love? If I can find it so can you (trust me on that one).  And to celebrate I’m giving away a copy of my new book

Online Dating Sucks…but it’s how I fell in love

Just like this post (and my facebook page  if you haven’t already) and you will be entered into the drawing Feb. 14th. Happy Valentine’s Day!

The book is in ebook format – which can easily be downloaded to your smart phone, laptop, desk top, iPad or Kindle.

Good luck and pass it on!

Wait, Can I Change my Answer?


(This excerpt from Chapter 9 of my new book is a conversation my girl and I had around Valentine’s Day last year)

On Valentine’s Day we had planned to meet – but Loretta called me the day before. I could tell by the tone of her voice we were about to have a serious conversation. She asked me “Do you see us getting into a relationship?” To which I brilliantly answered “Nope”. She then asked “Do you ever see us being in a relationship?” I again answered “No”.

Man do I have a way with words.

(Luckily there’s a lot more chapters…)


A Chapter of My Life


It’s May, 2011 – and for the last 10 years I’ve been using the dating sites pretty regularly, and to varying degrees of success. At this moment in time, dating seems to be the only part of my life that’s going well. Despite the ups and downs of it, and the frustrations it can cause, it’s also mostly just plain fun. The truth is I adore women, and the dating sites are a great way to meet them.

The part of my life that is not going well right now is work – you see my boss just called me to tell me the company is letting me go. “Letting me go? Letting me go where?”  I asked him, though I knew exactly what he meant. Continue reading →

Online Relationshipping (Book Excerpt)

It’s been about 15 years since women created online relationship sites.

At first they grew slowly in popularity because there was a bit of a stigma attached to them – after all, who wanted to admit they had so much trouble finding a relationship they had to go looking for one on the internet? But now it seems everyone is using them. Though it strikes a guy like you as a little backwards that relationships come before dating, you figure who are you to argue with how things are done? Besides, you tell yourself, it’s worth going through the relationship part if it gets you to what you want, the dating part. Continue reading →